Girlfriends sexual past bothers me... what do i do?
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Okay, Ive been with my girlfriend 5 months now, and everything is going great.. but the past few days her past has been bothering me.. She is 21, and im the 8th guy she had sex with. She cried over this a few times and told me she regrets her past.. A few months ago she told me I was her 7th, which bothered me at the time, I got over it then the other night it got brought up, and she now told me im her 8th and she miscounted last time.. So I kept pushing it saying am I really your 8th or is it gonna go up again. So she was crying saying she wishes I was her 1st.This has really been bothering me, because she had a bf for 2 years before me, he was her 7th (supposedly) which doesnt bother me much because he was a long term bf.. The other 6 bother me, because they either werent boyfriends, or they were really short term relationships. She said she was a V until 18, then dated her last ex from 19-21.. So basically she has been through 6 guys in the year she was 18..
My relationship is going great with her and she has been very loyal to me.. Its just really been bothering me lately that why is she something special to me and someone I love, but just a good time for 6 other people in the past? Why wasn't she good enough to be something special for them? And it bothers me that she gave it up so easily in the past, and It especially bothers me because it makes me feel like maybe im not as special as I think.
She gets upset over it and claims she was young and stupid and didn't know any better and thought sex would make someone fall in love with you. But it just bothers me that she made the same mistake 6 times? And let me just say, that she has way more sexual experience than me.. she is my first.
advice please.
Sex
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This is by far the worst approach to a subject like this. He isn't the only male to experience this. Why judge him for the way his heart feels... Ok you need to think long and hard because this is going to haunt you for the rest of your life, literally...not because of you thinking about it too much but by any little thing that can and will remind you of her past. It goes away but it somehow comes back. I say this because I am in a relationship where my gf send nudes and to a "random" and they were leaked. Fortunately she was 16 and can't get them posted anywhere legally but she did lie to me about it and I kinda lost trust in her word so I'm constantly wondering if the stories of her are true... But none the less I do love her and am willing to put it aside because with a relationship you will have bad experiences some worse than others but you can't let those bad moments cloud all the great times you have had with her. With that being said it's really a matter of how much you actually love her this is why I say think long and hard and if you don't think you can let go then let o of her your not a bad person for doing it because your looking for your happiness as are many others but right now you have to think about solely you and ask yourself am I mentally strong enough to stop thinking of her as something that I morally hate? If not I you have your answer. Tbh I respect you not many other guys out there are able to say they are a good guy with great morals. Good luck and please don't listen to all this feminists talking about how wrong you are for thinking this they only see their side and love to bash males especially the good ones.
Yeah this is aweful. You're making it seem as if he were shaming her when actually he's stating that she keeps bringing it up. It's an honest question, 'how do I get over this feeling'. The second part of your statement though is true. About how the world expects sex in a relationship. But leaving the past in the past isn't the answer because that's sweeping I think under the rug. If it stays that way it'll trip someone up eventually. If you're unable to see this I'd suggest looking at what you might've gone through because like the person before me commented, working on yourself is important. You seem angry as if he wants to break up with her when he just wants to understand.He isn't blaming
Actually what Wilde said is correct. She said he is "shaming" for her past because he can't handle it. He says, in passive voice which is usually a way to dodge responsibility, "I got over it then the other night it got brought up, and she now told me im her 8th and she miscounted last time.. So I kept pushing it saying am I really your 8th or is it gonna go up again. So she was crying saying she wishes I was her 1st." All that pushing shows his shaming of her until she cries. "So she was crying saying she wishes I was her 1st."But what I find most bizarre is that this very old thread attracts a bunch of newbies who come in groups to it, signing up on the same day and only post here to attack one poster - though others have said similar. My guess is you've come from another board and think you're on a brave mission to click disagrees. Congrats you can't get over that women have sex and mostly not with you.
Then again as women has sex and have right to do so, does men have right to have preferences. If you cant live up to someones else standarts its not his problem its yours. If i dont like that my girl slept with 10 people before me, im i wrong to simply end relationship, because i dont like her? Same as someone who is fat, short, ugly. Its a simple preference, you are not obligated to stay a virgin, but also not obligated to make anyone stay in a relationship, just because you were doing things in the past and not thinking that these things might bear consequences in your present and future.You guys are judging him, because he is rightfully judging her for her sexual past, you are a bunch of hypocrites which attack someone, because you dont like the he lives and how his moral compass works, because he is different and do not hold your own liberal views on sex.
He has all the right to know her past, analyze, rethink it and make decisions, he wants to be with that person and its baggage or not.
If i will meet a girl and her sexual past will bother me i will tell her that, its not ****-shaming, its simply me not lying and making decisions about my relationships and future. Lots of bad characteristic traits come with promiscuity, there are lots of studies and research done, thats proven, even for men it comes with similar results, only difference - men seek women, thus with promiscuously men on top have to have great confidence and charisma, otherwise they would never get to be studs.
I agree, I have the same problem. I’ve been into the same woman since kindergarten. I love her more than anything. However, while I was her first, she has had others and other things as well. Everyday they haunt me. I take anxiety medication but it’s losing its effect (wasn’t much of a difference)
I don’t tell her when I’m hurting because I don’t want to hurt her. There is nothing I can do. Just live everyday in a prison I can’t leave.
What Wilde said! And if it had worked out for any of the other 6 she wouldn't be your girl now. What's your # btw?
I understand your situation. You're tormented by images in your head of her sleeping with another guy. You're concerned that you don't "measure up" to her other sexual partners in terms of penis size, and question whether you are satisfying her as well as the others, despite the fact that you've received no indication from her that it's a problem. You want to know if she's done everything with you that she's done with the other guys and, if not, why. And, whether you realize it or not, you're jealous of the fact that she has all of that experience and you don't.What you need to realize is that she chose YOU, not the others. She had no way of knowing that she would meet someone like you back then when she was sleeping with other guys. Had she known then that she would be in this great relationship with you now, she might have acted differently, or maybe not.
We are all the sum total of our experiences. We are all shaped by our experiences into the person that we are now. You fail to realize that she is who she is now BECAUSE of her past experiences, not despite it, and that you decided to be with her because of who she is NOW. Had things been different, you may not be attracted to the person she became.
To answer the question, "Why wasn't she good enough to be something special for them?" Perhaps it was the other guys that weren't good enough to be something special for her. How you deal with this will determine whether YOU are good enough to be something special for her.
If you can't deal with the thoughts that I listed in the first paragraph, then you need to break it off. At that point you will either need to look for someone with only one sexual partner, or you will need to build up your own experience with other women. Even if you do sleep with a whole bunch of women, those thoughts will still haunt you, and you need to learn how to deal with them. I suggest you deal with them quickly and try not to lose this woman that you love over something as petty as this. And, if you do decide that you can deal with it and you put it behind you, understand that you need to put it behind you for the duration of your relationship with her, and don't keep bringing it up every few months. Or worse yet, don't suddenly bring it up years after you've married her and had kids together.
Whatever you decide, please stop torturing the girl. From the sound of it, you've already brought her to tears twice, which is three times too many. She sounds like a great person if she was honest and open enough to share this with you. That kind of communication and trust in a relationship are difficult to create. You need to smarten up before you lose a great catch!
@AMRtxMy wife has had sex(meaning inter course) only once before she met me, had oral sex performed on her 6+ times with 5 different guys, sucked almost the same number of guys still not sure and fingered by more than 14... she probably made out with 20... almost all of her experience happened before she met me at 18. Oh yeah, a guy sucked on her boobs while he fingered her but too. I don't get to do this to her, it makes me angry. She almost had a threesome her first year in college with a guy and another girl but backed out thankfully! She did have her shirt off... it wasn't until the guy came back to make out with her again that she called it off.
I know she jerked a few of those guys off, but she tells me that the only guy she ever made com was the guy that had sex with her. Not sure I believe that.... FYI I knew about some of her sexual activity almost since the beginning, but when she was diagnosed with HPV a few months ago I lost it. We are married with two kids, the jealously I felt early in our relationship came back.
I coped earlier in our relationship by figuring out that I could have had flings like she did... I actually went out and got laid- with some one else. That is still my secret. The activities I did and she is unaware of, consisted of a blow job from a fat chick prior to meeting her, my wife was the first person I had sex with... I continued to hook up 3 more times, fingered one other girl and played with another's chest. I justified it by the fact that she hooked up with 3 people after we met, and before we were actually an item. She knows nothing about it. I did this stuff so that I could get past her experiences, now I can't share it her.
When she told me about her diagnosis, I asked her her real number that's where I got the info from above.
I made the comment that I want to balance the equation now. But that was an awefully big feat... her response was "ouch", seriously. Since we have been married I rarley thought about it, but when it did come up it didn't bother me. When we got the news from the doctor it tore me apart, that along with getting her actual number...
Me personally, I want to use girls like she was used, that way I can say "it's ok we are even".
I do to want to lose her, but I also want to get these images out of my head, or at least feel like we are sharing something, mainly pain. I will get over it, but lately I feel like she owes me something. FYI I can't have feelings for anyone else, but I know I could do things to other women. Not sure how to ask her, but I would like an opportunity for a threesome too!
She really loves me, and I really love her. I feel like I am being forced into sharing her, even if it was years ago when all these things occurred. I want her to have to share me also, like I said "share the pain." I had to get this off my chest. If she reads this, I hope she knows that I do love her. I don't want to love anybody else, but this is extremely painful.
I don't know what else to do, like I said I know I will get over this- I know she will always be with me. I'm just not sure if it will ever go away, at least not until we balbce the above referenced equation somewhat...
Also most of her experiences were one time events...
@AMRtxShe does know a out the fat chick blow job, and FYI she is a gorgeous girl... the price we pay huh
@AMRtxFirst off I'm assuming someone below already replied to your comment. But if not I will say this and I will say this strongly! DO NOT! Try to balance any equation. That's the worst thing you could possibly try to do and you will regret it. I'm way to young and unmarried to give you advice on what to do. But I can easily see that what you need desperately is marriage counseling. And though I'm a child of God I don't know that a pastor could even help. Sure God can. But also a psychologist who understands and has dealt with these things. Please! Don't make the mistake of getting even. And don't feel good about keeping these things from her. You need to open your heart, let go of the past! Or it will destroy your marriage. And again if you can't, go to marriage counceling. If she asks why tell her genuinely that what she's been through bothers you and you truly want to get over it. Don't try a threesom either.
@AMRtxAnd what if that girl still wants to be in touch with those guys?? Even after requesting not to be with...
@AMRtx my ex had the same experience as you. I've done it twice (sex intercourse) and im his first.He broke up with me stated that he couldn't get pass through it and how he wished that he has done it earlier so he would be ok with us because he loves me a lot. (i'm 24 and he's 22)
Then i figured out during our relationship he emotionally cheated on me with other girls, when i confront him, he said he was trying to get this race out of his mind. He didn't even like that girl but he thought if he could have sex with her then he could forget about my past then he will be ok with us.
I keep showing that all my exes don't even matter to me and ive never compared him to any of them, i stayed out of contact with them and even when they message me i never replied.
I ran out of ideas to make him forget it. Our connections were too strong but he couldn't get pass through this. I'm curious though, in your case, after u hooked up 3 times just to make it equal, can you forget about her past and are actually ok being with her?
@AMRtx Thats way too hurtful for you, our actions bear consequences which are hard to deal with, in fact for a girl to stay a virgin or to sleep with not that many people are really hard to do. Because men seek them, lots of opportunities and you need to be a very strong person to say no to pleasure/easiest ways and look for the right path.But for your age and if its true only 2, i dont even think thats high, if you threw these people from your circles, never ever meet them, and dont have them in friends circles - I dont think it should bother him as much as it does now.
Of course, while having sex he will feel that he is getting the worse end of the deal, because you are super special to him, but he will not feel that he is the same to you. But if you did everything you can in your power - its his decision if he can live it up or cant. P.s those "equations" can end up, being even worse experience and ruin everything a lot more.
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@AMRtxIt won't and with two kids, you are stuck. I truly pity you.
@AMRtxYes it did make me feel better, then she tells me everything... maybe. I felt like a man, I felt like we were even. I passed up three opportunities to hookup with her friends and her sister! After I had felt the score was settled, then I find out more. Like how we got shouted at at a football game by the guy she ****ed. I have ran into almost all of here hookups! Yes it's been years but they know what she feels and tastes like.
@AMRtxHer numbers were higher than I had previously believed them to be. I feel cheated and lied to. While I was off at basic training she was busy hooking up with other people. I'm just suppposed to say "awe it's ok!" **** this shit.
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@AMRtxIt is a temporary relief... The "haunting" will return.. Girls - you ought to be more responsible.. For five minutes of pleasure - you are ruining a guy's life... You girls have WAY MORE influence on Guy's life than you can imagine / he can accept...
@AMRtxI agree with what you are telling him .
SD&RRPatience is a virtue
Well get over it or move on. Her past is her past and your past is your past. You are with her now and she is with you.
This is why you should leave the past in the past..............She cannot change her past you either accept it or move on...........
@wytchinghoursHer past is an insight to her character. For some of us, character still matters.
@wytchinghoursNo you can’t change your past but you can change how you feel about it. Now that you are mature and past your sexual promiscuity, you can own up to your mistakes and feel some remorse then move on as a mature adult making adult decisions. But unless you show remorse for your poor childish choices the only choice you have is move on with a don’t ask don’t tell relationship. Which will never work
Why would you bring this up and shame her? Make your girl cry over those "frogs"?
What person enters a relationship hoping that it doesn't workout? Things happen, why bring up something that you can't change?
love her, respect her or break it off AND by your post, she seems loving and faithful.
she will quickly find the perfect one ( if it ain't you)!
#8.
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It is just sex and it is in her past. At least she told you the truth. Many girls esp my friends lie about once or twice to please their bf. It is not like she cheated on you. If she did it with 6 guys During your relationship Then it is a different story. I doubt now days is easy to come across a virigin esp when you are older. When you get older the list will be longer. Focus on the now and with her instead of her past. People breakup for various reason not matching personality etc. if you can't accept her past just move on. Stop wasting both of your time. What do you want exactly from this situation? Do you Want to have a magic wand to remove everything bad about her past ? We are who we are also because of our past. We learned and move on. Grow up. Ask your self are you mr . Perfect? Are you in a position to judge her past?
@AnonymousUsing discernment isn't judging. Otherwise it wouldn't be "right" to avoid a child molester or murderer. Her actions are an insight to her character. He has every right to reject her on those grounds, or any other grounds, and is a fool if he doesn't have some kind of standard.
For a man to have that many conquests he has to be attractive, charming, have money, be smart, witty and funny. For a woman, she just needs to be there. She doesn't even need to be sexy about it, just point to her crotch and grunt...You can thank toxic feminism for girls being sl*ts and rendering it impossible for a good man to devote himself to her. You obviously have morals. You didn't hump everything in sight, but saved yourself for that special someone. And I feel the same way when you say that even a 1000 partners would be ok if they were all serious relationships.
She didn't save herself for her prince. She gave it away without considering the feelings of her future one and only. And you already know you'll never forgive her, meaning both of you will be unhappy.
Girls like her deserve wh*remongers, not decent men who save themselves. I'm sorry, but you already know you don't want to be with her anymore. I recommend you make a clean break and stay away, because she'll try to hurt you by sleeping around with even more random men.
Don't give up, mate. But be more upfront with what you expect before you're in too deep next time. There are decent women with your values out there. But the longer you wait, the more of them will slip away.
Best of luck.
PS: Ignore the feminists and beta cuck's in the replies. They're just trying to justify women being sl*ts and shame you for your feelings and morals.
@Chain_ReactionBest response in this thread. I'm so tired of the feminist maxim, "But she chose you." I totally agree: don't listen to the feminists and silly desperate Beta Men.
@Chain_Reaction Ok you both have a point and don't. Sounds like you've been hurt too when you speak about her one day hurting him. Girls do make mistakes a lot so now his reason for leaving her can't be that. I truly believe you're right when you say 'be more upfront from the get go before you're in too deep' because I basically did the same thing, that's what's kinda bothering me now. I dove right in but I can say I dove in because of the place I was in at that moment in my life. She was basically my salvation at that time. Like I was about to become a douche and God put her in the way so I don't go around douching. Telling him to leave her for someone who hasn't had sec is hard wlbecause now he has. And looking now means gen might later come across the same problem. Not to say he should stay out of fear but he should continue to search for a solution until he is certain of his decision.Actually I hope you can find me and tell me the solution you came up with because I'm looking for an answer too.
@Chain_Reaction Typical male logic: claim that your entire gender just can't control themselves when it comes to sex, then throw a fit when young women feel pressured to act like the porn stars that men idolize.Regardless, if you hold everyone accountable for the rest of their lives for the dumb shit they did as a teenager, you're going to have a miserable life.
@Chain_ReactionListen to Chain. Best advice yet, plus he's right about the Feminists and Beta Cucks trying to shame you.
@Chain_ReactionExactly what we needed a judgemental prick. There is nothing wrong with women sleeping around just like there is nothing wrong with men doing the same. Do you usually see women moaning about the number of partner their boyfriend has slept with ? Nope, it's not our faults if men are insecure. And I have met several players in my life and most of them aren't exceptionnal, they are just average-looking with good social skills.
I once picked up a girl and after we finished having sex she told me I was her 20th guy she had sex with she was 19. I'm glad she told me this because it prevented me from loving her so when she cheated on me which I expected it it was less of a blow when I dumped her. We were together for over a year but more like just two people who hung out and had sex. At some point we became boyfriend and girlfriend but I knew it would never last although I kind of wanted to after half a year or so. It was a little over a year she moved in with her friend and two guys. I told her I didn't like it but I didn't want her to live with me so when the guy she was cheating on me with treated her like s*** she came over to my place and I looked through her phone and did not feel bad about it at all. She deleted her incoming messages but didn't know her sent messages were still there. She had passed out I woke her up, kicked her out, and never saw her again. In a few days I met the girl I married when I didn't want to get married because it ruined everything as many marriages do because it changes the Dynamics of the relationship. She started cheating on me and I was in denial but I did call her out and he got so mad that I was right she physically attacked me and use my accusation as a way to leave and served me with divorce papers. She left me for somebody around 50 years old who was making $9 an hour at Walgreens and was very ugly and instead of a goatee had about 8 long curly pubic looking greasy hairs about 4 inches long and no other hair on what honestly was a very fat bulbous looking head. I saw the picture on Facebook and thought it was some cousin of her parents or something and thought nothing of it. When I realized that's the guy, it made me almost laugh, but I was still sad for a little bit. Then I got everything in the divorce. And I stuck through our relationship after the first three months when she went over to a guy's house who was very aggressive and basically wouldn't let her leave until they had sex.This hurt me more than anything ever. I couldnt touch her without images of her with another guy flashing through my brain killing me inside and literally. I couldnt think of a way to fix us. On top of this she faked that was raped and received a felony. If you google her name all you see are mug shots and newspaper articles and she was even on local news in chicago. Eventually I just had to hold her and get through the pain and made a decision to work on us. I tell you this was more painful than anything. I didn't get past it ever. And it hurt more than divorce because after our wedding all I basically did was try and keep us together and it was a huge weight on my shoulders. I became her b----. Although I bought her a $10,000 ring to replace her original ring. I planned on giving it to her but I shoved it in her face. I did not want to be with somebody who did not want me. She never got it because she decided to cheat again. When she left her bags are already packed. Every time she went to go visit her brother or spend time with her brother she would just not answer her phone and was not staying at the Townhome that we can barely afford. I am strongly convinced that her younger brother and a friend that was a total b - - - -- convinced her to divorce me and the friend to cheat. He didn't believe marriage was sacred and her friend cheated a lot and probably convinced her to so she didn't feel like the bad person she was. And yes she does deserve to be called a bad person. Not a good person that made bad decisions. She was a bad person that made knowing decisions that were thought out.Anyways the problem that you're experiencing is the thought of the unknown because odds are you are more like her 20th. After my first long-term relationship and I found out who she had sex with and dated I made an immediate rule but I laid out as a conditioner 4 up-to-date in every relationship after. One was no cheating and the other was no talking about past relationships. Believe me it was much better not knowing and driving yourself crazy but looking at the girl for who she is now.But it's so easy to fall in love fast because you want to or you are in the honeymoon phase which usually last about 6 months which is usually when the relationship Runs Dry and you start to get on each others nerves this is the beginning of being in denial that your relationship is over. When you take a relationship look at the length of the relationship and divide that half and that is the amount of time the relationship has been dead from The Break-Up to when you started a relationship. If I had anything else to say don't get married unless you ask this hypothetical question: would you right now go elope? would you do it? If her answer is anything but yes Benz she is more in love with the idea of the wedding ceremony and being the center of attention than the idea of being married to you. And is a good indicator of how your marriage will go
I am actually in the same boat and I did end up losing her due to the amount of times I made her cry regarding the subject but now we are back together and I realized the bigger picture and I wanna share it with you, hopefully it can help you.It's best not to dwell on the past openly, if you're gonna dwell at least do it alone and don't bring it up to her bc it seems like when you do bring it up to her, you make her cry.
I know it's not intentional, bc again I did the same thing. And believe me it still messes with me, I still think about it even almost a year later but it doesn't get to any point where it can ruin us. I just kinda push the thought aside with reason and change in perspective. I put myself in her shoes and I know she regrets sleeping with the two previous guys. She only slept with them bc they promised her something just to get laid. It's them I am mad at and not her bc it's not her fault, she was young and made mistakes it happens. They are the ones that lied to a girl and made false promises in order to get laid.
Listen man, you said she has told you she regrets it. You bringing it up and handling it the way you do only makes it worse for her. If you keep treating her that way, she will leave. It happened to me.
Just realize what you got such as I did. I love my girlfriend so much, and I hope you love yours. With that being said, don't let the negative thoughts take over your life or Ruin a beautiful thing. You have that gold medal that the other 9 guys failed to get.
Hang in there, I understand your viewpoint 100%.
@brandoningallsNice. You know what you're talking about. And being in the same boat; from this I'm learning. In my opinion I'd say bring it up once more but to let her know that you intend to never bring it up again. Somewhere along the lines of "I'm bringing it up because I want you to understand that it's been my own insecurities, these men were at fault but I want you to be able to let go of the shame, you were young and naive and for that you shouldn't not feel ashamed because we are human (side note: being human consists of many mistakes and flaws and sins which we need to overcome because God said from the get go that we were born sinners and once we accept this we can let go and look forward, changing ourselves from inside out) And as human beings we go through these things."
Your hope should be that she understands and can learn from it or that she can see it on her own so that it doesn't ever happen while you're together. But DO NOT pressure her to be perfect in this light, or even understand this. She must just understand that it's your hope. E.g. The reason the number changed from 7 to 8 is probably because counting makes her remember and remembering hurts and she doesn't like to hurt. So her intention wasn't to lie to you, but to protect herself while trying to be honest. She came back with a new number for a reason, because lying to you hurt more than remembering. That says something about how she feels about you. (Weird I'm seeing all this now, while I'm in the same boat).
Hey man i know its old, maybe all of this is over, past is not the past as everyone says, past, present and future are with us, sometimes people really do things and dont think about consequences or think it will never catch them, as long as she learned her lesson i do think its possible to work all of this out.
@brandoningallsYou have learned nothing. You went back and are still having problems? That's your wake up call. Also, she wasn't "tricked," she made her own decisions, my thirsty lad. Get out. Your relationship is doomed to failure.
@brandoningallsI am 29 and she is thirty four. We just met and had the good times for few months. Now her past is really starting to bothering me a lot, even it’s too difficult to sleep besides her these days. I am seriously thinking about marrying her in the future and few months back, I found her old phone and later her album which changes my impression of her as a nice lady to sexual adventures.I knew back then she had couple boyfriends and it didn’t bother me as much even though she is my truly first love and I knew she had more randomly sex than me. One thing to say with the background I grow up, we tend to restrict women morally more than men. Since we are all mostly created by the environment, still then I was okay until I found out about her old phone and album. I will share one from her phone. She met a guy which he claims he works in bank and play football. They had sex possibly in his car after two meetings and that guy did nasty stuff which I am not sure I can tell it here. So like that, I couldn’t tolerate many stuffs and I finally burst out to her and it’s been on going. I still love her dearly and I cannot man up about her past.
I'm in somewhat the same situation although my girlfriend has been with 12 guys before me. I'm number 13, she's my second, and my first being my then gf of 2 years, so it's pretty hard and frustrating sometimes to get over it but it's just something I have to deal with. I love her to death but that's just something hard to get over. What makes matters worse out of the 12 previous only 3 was long term relationships and two of the three we're like 6-8 month relationships. Most of the guys she's been with were to "prove a point" that she can get a certain guy, which was a one night stand. Another guy was the same exact night after she and her bf of 2 years broke up and that was a one night stand, she told me she needed someone and he was there for her. She also has had two experiences in which one she was black out drunk and didn't remember it, then the other she just had very little to drink so she should have been in the right mind set not to just be like yeah sure let's do it. Then another guy was a one night stand because it was her ex's best friend and she wanted to make him jealous. So for me it's something that I think about, ALOT and I just wonder how or why she would have so many times, when I had the opportunities growing up to do the same but I said no to the situation. So I understand how you feel, but the best thing to do is if you are very serious with each other and plan on have a future (ex. Getting married) just think, she'll be you're last.
My girlfriend will be 20 on the 18th and from what I'm told, I'm the 14th. Lately she's seemed distant. Barely wants to cuddle. Sex hasn't happened in two weeks when she's never been like this. Her drive has always been higher than mine. After a while we talked and basically agreed whats mine is yours and what's yours is mine. Well today, she said what's mine is mine and what's yours is yours (keep on mind I allow her to drive her car and only asked for honesty and loyalty in return bc she offered to pay me to use it) all bc of this thing about her phone. I used to be able to do anything literally. Now if I glance at it wrong or touch it she gets pissy. There's been accusations about her cheating in the past but it's a long story. Of course she denies it. Anytime I try to talk to her about anything, she gets angry, defensive and uses what I say as her response making it literally unanswered. I'm so confused and honestly don't know what to do.. help!
@AGNGreed Honestly it seems like there were problems you may have had early in the relationship that you didn't see. As an amateur at relationships I may not be the most qualified to answer this. But one thing I know is that if you love her it's worth fighting for. Always worth fighting for. You'll find the answer if you deeply search it out. And especially if she loves you. Let her know that you done just want to be a number (but not by saying 15) let her know you're serious if she's serious. U need to let her know what you want out of the relationship. And hopefully what you want is genuine and sincere. What's true is always strongest to grow.Try and approach her again. If she gets mad, you stay calm. Let her know stuff like you genuinely wanna know what's the matter and how you feel. Because I imagine if she's cheating it would break you, so let her know you care and on my part I truly hope she isn't cheating. Because Lord knows it'd slap my heart! God be with you man!
I can relate to this. I was not troubled by my wife's past for thirteen years of marriage, then, after hearing too much from her and others, I began to feel retroactive jealousy. I was mad that she had ridden eight other dicks. I will never get over this. There is much info on the web to help you deal with this, but I am still bothered by it. My plan has been to never talk about it, but instead, blow her mind with the sex we have. We have enjoyed many "firsts" together, and she has said that I have "****ed those guys out of her", and boy have I!
@Bobby1958She probably has someone on the side pal.
@Bobby1958Nice of her and those others to rub your nose in everything. She doesn't respect you. I agree she probably has something on the side.
Clearly you are in shock that there are more people involved than you had thought there would be- based on your own values and attitudes and how YOU have conducted YOURSELF in the past. You also would have believed certain values for yourself, perhaps without consciously knowing it, such as "that sex can only be in a love context", "a woman who is with you would never have been promiscuous".
It's become traumatic. Trauma doesn't just go away. You have to register why this is hurting you, and how it may conflict with your old ideas versus how you are having to shift your thoughts to accommodate how it actually is for you now. Look at your current values and hers and do they compliment each other now? It sounds like you are a person who would only like to have sex within a context of love/ relationship.
Have a think about why "she is something special to you and someone you love'? It bothers you that she 'gave it up so easily with others in the past. When it came to you and her, how easily did you give it up for her? How long did you know her? Did you already "love" her pre sex, or did you "fall in love" with her after having sex? Something to think about because it's your first experience. Who initiated the sex between you for starters?
You went for a longer time waiting for someone than she did, but could you go without sex yourself now? How about her, how long did she not have sex between you and the previous serious boyfriend? If you're wanting to know how serious this relationship is, and what is holding it together, both of you stop having sex. You want to know how special you are to her?
Ask yourself, if you stopped having sex with each other and focused on getting to know each other as a person, would you be scared she'd go find someone else to have sex with instead- if she wasn't having sex with you?
She has been your only experience, you would've bonded to her emotionally and sexually. It would not be easy for you to slow it down now physically. But it would be helpful if you can reassess what each other means and what the relationship is about.
The view on trauma is true too. And even the whole waiting thing. It makes it clearer on how it works. Cos I waited 24 years but after going through rubbish in life I felt like I was falling. If anything I'm blessed, God gave me someone like her instead of some random 'just another girl' similar to seven or ten or twelve others I could've ended up having sex with in the state I was in. Though I'm not the one who asked this question. Thanks! From the bottom of my heart.
Hell your lucky. Mine lost her V at the age of 13 she says thanks to her mother being a horrible parent. And she is now 23 been with I think 11 guys me being the 11th and about 5 girls. So yeah if only I was as lucky as your story
@tderrekWoah. Man. And it happens a lot that parents like that are seen as the cause. Especiallly if the child is a first born. Parents don't teach and no older siblings to help understanding life.
This scenario is very similar to mine. Mine had eight dicks before mine, and was fingered as a young teen. We will be celebrating our 14th wedding aniversary in May 2017. I have to work hard to forget her past but cannot do so. There is no solution other than to bail. I found out only recently. You have learned early in your relationship and can act accordingly. It doesn't get better with time. My strategy is to **** her daily, sometimes twice, and pump her full of my seed, and "**** those guys out of her", as she said I have done. Also, keep a sex log and you will conclude that you have been the most dominant lover she's ever had. Over time she will forget the others.
It's normal to be bothered by this. People forget that sex is for children and marriage and obviously it's hard to remain a virgin til marriage but that doesn't mean it's right. People are normalizing having sex for kicks and ignoring that it's for kids and marriage and this bothers you because you love her and you don't want her to have been through that many men and you know it's not good for her
Personally, I don't think t's a good idea to bring up a person's sexual history as all sorts of problems can arise. Ask yourself this, had she not told you, would you still think the same? Probably not. Sometimes it's best not to know and I think it is unfair that she has told you without you asking (I'm presuming). She has a problem with her past maybe because her present with you is so good. That she thinks she could have saved herself all the heartache by meeting you first. However her life with you didn't happen like this. You have a choice to make. Either be happy with a woman you love and love being with and help her deal with her past mistakes (she calls them mistakes) or you leave her and someone else becomes your number two.Love and sex isn't a numbers game apart from the number two. The two people who matter to each other.
@askmac See this right here! I love this answer because you're showing 'life happens and it happened this way, there's nothing you can do to change the events of the past, but you can help her get over her shame of it'.Although I'm not entirely sure I can agree with the statement about not bringing up her past. This I still need to understand. Funny I'm watching an episode of Big Bang Theory where Sheldon suggests Penny met the girl Lenon kissed to disperse the fear and the wild running imagination illuminates the mystery ad alleviates the fears. Obviously you can't go around meeting all the guys she's been with but I believe they're onto something's here.
Tap it and leave
Oh man!!! My heart is in the same place man!!! And I already know that the only place you'll get a proper answer is from a proper professional. Even those 'Psychology Today' posts have really decent insights on things like a partners anger or shame or guilt or inability to apologize etc. ❤️ Your confusion is felt
Also. FOR People in the comments section. One thing girls don't do often is tell if they don't feel it. Often they don't feel it until something good happens in their life. Or maybe if it's the first time. Like for example if you're her first real and serious love and she feels secure with you. Cos I'm seeing a lot of guys have been through that. In my case she felt it her first time and one other time (though I still don't have the entire story). But when we had sex without a condom for the first time she felt it. And some times after that. It's building the relationship. Slowly. The person who said stop having sex for a while to build your relationship is probably right. Something I should do too
I came here for some answers on how to deal with it myself.. I, myself have the same problem and it pops up in my head randomly. My imagination creates these images that tortures me and really ****s me up with my anxiety going out of control. My gf and I are 17 and she had done all her sexual intercourse freshmen to sophomore years of high school.. So yes she was very young and she does regret it greatly. I don't bring it up because I don't want her to be reminded of that.. So I deal with it by forcing myself to think of something else and eventually goes away. I love her very much, but I feel her past should not bother me yet it does and it ruins my mood all the time it decides to pop in my head. I need help letting go of these images. Advice??
I know what you're going through almost exactly with what I'm going through right now with mine, well have been but not fully like yours. See, my girlfriend has been with 5 people (including me), I've been with 2 people (including her). I've had the opportunity to be with a lot more females than I should have, I've been dm'd for ****ing, all that shit, but it doesn't catch my interest because I'm not concerned with that, I've had all the opportunity with all these women but never did (which I insanely regret). But anyways, I have high standards, only one... Don't be a ****ing hoe. I've lived by that my whole life, and don't want to be a hoe myself (granted I flirt when I'm single but I'm single ya know). Problem is, my girlfriend has had sex with 4 other people, she never dated them, well one she did but they had sex before the got into a "relationship" she said she was forced but I don't buy it. 2 of them basically used her, as the others well I equally hate, she said she always had a low self esteem, which is why plus she thought that if you say "yes" that men won't leave her because that's what her mom trained her to think which I think is equally bullshit. I'm not an insecure person by any means, I'm confident, and rarely get jealous but this bugs me. She swore up and down she's not a hoe yet sleeps with guys because her "low self esteem". At one point we were talking (before the relationship) and we were interested in each other, but at that time I was talking to another girl that I wanted to be with up in the northern state where I used to live (foolish I know) Well i told her we couldn't be anything due to my predicament, she's broken hearted at this point (before we ever dated), I pursued the girl but she ended up completely ignoring me after we did shit, she told me she didn't want to be away from me which I understand but she ignored me which broke me, well turns out my now gf got so "sad" that dude she worked with she went over to pick him up for work and ****ed him. I feel disgusted and dirty to even ever talk about this. It infuriates me because this is someone who she just did it with then, turns out dude she ****ed is crazy. Now, a month later into a relationship, he messaged me after I posted a pic on ig of us for our one month. He told me what they had done, that he was still talking to her, and that he didn't want trouble with me but to only tell me. I confronted her and she told me he was crazy (which he actually was, she had a document of his crimes etc.), but she lied to me two weeks into the relationship because she hid his snapchat from me and put him under another name. I end up forgiving her and threatening dude if he ever comes back etc. etc. Well, after that storm passed I found myself hating her, hating myself for staying with such a w*ore, hating her for being the "victim", hating her and myself and everyone she's ever been with because it's not fair, I had never felt more insecure. I told her I hated her, called her names and broke up with her on multiple occasions because I hated her. But I loved her so much because she is so loyal, so loving and caring, she sacrafices her time sometimes for me. There is no person besides my mom that has showed the love and care she's shown for me. But I still hated her, I still hate knowing I've been with someone who's been with four other people, who used excuses for being a sl*t and still kissing her on the lips of other guys she's been with, I hate it and always will yet I love her. And I still struggle what to do. Unpopular opinion, but you need to break up with her, if you hate what she's done you need to move on because it WILL bother you forever, no matter how much you surpress it but it will come back. But if you have the strength to look past it, work and communicate with her, and love and respect her before you lose her. Because right now, I'm dealing with just that. I've been with her for a year and this could be either the best or worst choice I ever make. But I wish you luck, but do what your logic tells you, not your heart. Your heart WILL lie, use your head man. Good luck, if I'm too late...
As a woman's past partner
Count increases her ability to be faithful plummets. It stops and destroys her ability to form strong bonds. With a number as high as your saying she is a divorce waiting to happen. If you decide to marry 70+% risk. Also psychologists have found someone with many partners like that compares their partner sexually to their current ones constantly. So they cheat in the end. Every man I know who married a woman like that they committed adultery against the man.
This is documented, scientific fact. More than 2 past partners and she loses the ability to pair bond. Caveat Emptor.
It won't get better for you, only worse. Besides, that's a high number for someone her age. Move on and stay gone. Going back will only compound the pain for you both because this will always be an issue.
Also, as another poster wrote, it isn't wrong to feel this way. you have a right to your feelings and standards.
So it bothers you that she ****ed 6 random guys in a year when she was barely legal, yet you're cool with her getting dick from a guy for two whole years because they called it a "relationship"? Im jealous of how understanding you are haha
This is just a feminist scam she is running on and against you. There's a lot of girls who go and sleep around with bad boys and pretty boys. Then when they start to have weight gain or looks go down they look for a responsible man to get his health insurance money and stability. They can't get those bad boys or pretty boys as weight goes up or looks go down. Also women who have that many partners scientifically it destroys miotisin production they can't form strong bonds they are horrible divorce risks. Leave and move on or at least don't marry ever!!!
To be honest I can see where your coming from girls can do this a lot talk about blokes that they have been with or they keep it secret then you find out some other time it’s a pain to be honest woman are full stop there annoying winey head ****s that all think there gods gift and us blokes have no feelings they make us fight and hate one another it doesn’t matter if you treat them as well as you can or rubbish there still the most irritating thing on this ****ing planet why can’t they just not be mind ****s and keep it simple why does love all seem to be a game for them
That feeling will never go away my friend, If you can’t forget it now, what makes you think you will forget it in the future? The feeling comes and goes. I had the same situation 10 years ago when I was dating my nowdays wife. It’s been more than 10 years and I still HATE it, She knows how I feel about her past. I have days when i don’t even want to touch her because I feel disgusted by her, by the thoughts of her being withsome else but I have days when I feel grateful that i have her by me side. We still have fights over this after all this time and they were times when we were about to get a divorce but we decided to stay together for the kids. like a said the feeling comes and goes If you are young right now and what you really want is a VIRGIN then my advice for you is to leave this girl, You will never be happy with her but just remember that you might not find the virgin girl that you are looking for and even if you find her there is no garantee that you will the one for her. If you ask me what Did I do then i will tell you. I discussed this problem with my wife and when ever those feelings come back to me I try to stay away from her and she knows it, she knows why I act different those days, it’s like if I get my period, sounds funny but It’s really sad because we both suffer. She aufders because she probably doesn’t deserve that behavior from my part but even after she will stay with me. I suffer because I feel that I’m not giving her 100% of my love and no matter what she does no matter what i do I just can’t give her alll my being. Good luck with your situation.
Bro I understand how you feel. I am a guy from İstanbul, Turkey. And I also didn't get much chances of having sex too, I would like it if I did but I didn't. I didn't choose the way I am, it just happened to be that way. I don't like the thing that you have to impress girls to make them have sex with you. I would ask them directly to have sex with me if that did not seen as unethic by other people. Cause can't be arsed with all that convincing and stuff. It is too hard for me. It makes me feel like a stupid.I am actually not looking for love now but if I had looked for love, I couldn't be able to love someone like that, maybe sex, but just as that. Nothing more. How could you love some girl who thrown her **** all around? Maybe you could fall in love before knowing that, damn, that is a hard way. I hate life sometimes you know. Why is this so cruel? Even if we somehow started a relationship, I wouldn't be able to keep what I feel. I would always burst open about this matter, and destroy what we have built for us, for instance.
Most women nowadays are actually highly sexually active. I definitely would like to have only sex with those girls, but not love or something. Maybe if I had sex with enough women then I could of think about love or something. Isn't that what most people do nowadays? But damn it is a conservative country I live in. Either way, I think I'll stay a virgin, although I am not a virgin technically, I feel like I am. I don't remember the last time I had sex. No matter what I do I can't get laid. Life is hard.
Ignore the majority of these comments , the majority of guys are in this same scenario. My current girlfriend has been with 10 other people and has had a threesome; Ive only been with two other people . None of her sexual experiences were from a actually boyfriend. She didn't tell me all this till we were about a month In ( happend yesterday , hence my being on this post). I honestly can say Ive fallen for her but now I can't help myself to shame her and think badly of her , I believe I have every right too, her body count is insane . The thing is though, if I continue to shame her , she will leave . On the other hand , if I ignore it , the feeling will never go away. She's ready to settle down now (I trust that) but I will never get over her past experiences . Most of the post on this thread relate to the girls sleeping with 5 guys , mines literally double that. Five guys is justified and you should not share a girl for that , its a low number in honesty . Ideally , you just have to reason with yourself ; Is her body count going to stop you from wanting to be with her . Don't shame , just deal with it or end it . I'm still reasoning myself , given , we all want to get even just to feel equal , but getting even won't solve how you feel.
You guys take it easy, i just fell in love and been in a relationship for a month now with a 24 year old girl that had like over 23 guys, and I saw how she texted to some of the guys, of which some of them were much more 'romantic' than with me, so let that sink in for a moment.. And YES, it actually hurts to love her!
Honestly, I find you lucky to have a girl at 21 years old, and she has only seven past relationships. I advice you to keep her and try make her a better person for yourself . Her number is not as much as you think. Currently, am dating a 20years old girl who has slept with twenty guys, and unfortunately all those guys are far older than I am. Now am in a situation that I can't accept her past and am leaving very soon. How I wish she had only 7 past relationships like yours have; because I really love this girl . Now she seems to be loyal. But the number 20 is too much for me; and I don't see her to be that loyal that she claims right now. Unpleasantly, her last relationship that she claims to have loved so dearly, she also cheated on him two or three times over small arguments. I think we both don't share similar moral consciousness. Give me your 7 and take my 20. Lol.
My relationship is going great with her
‘WAS’
Why punish the girl for doing what she wanted before she was with you?
Listen up guys. Now talking from experience I'm currently in the same boat with my partner. I have a sexual past...who doesn't. But that's exactly what it is...,in the past! I met my partner when he was just 18 I was 21! And i did have a few other partners before. We now have 2 children together been together over 15 years but he still sometimes gets so wound up about my past. It's before i even met him and I reassure him that the others meant nothing as they didn't. I was just immature and young and too be honest sex didn't mean much until I met him. I can never imagine being that way now if I was single, people grow up. Don't wreck things with your girl over it and make her feel violated. We all do things we deeply regret.
@Emz81Yes you are correct but you also admitted they were mistakes and you regret it. That is exactly the way one should feel who truly loved their partner now. Congratulations I’m sure you will have s great marriage moving forward 😊
After reading this I have to say I'm sorry and a little relieved. I have this same problem and I always kept it in because I thought the fact that it bothered me about my wife ex's would be childish. I also thought I was the only guy who had this problem. Here's my story. I have been married for 4 years. My wife has been with a lot of guys and she's only 25. 4 years younger than me. She's been with so many guys that after reading the responses I find it hard to say the actual number. You guys are posting about your ex's being with 5 10 or even 11. This might make some of you feel better. My wife has been with 18 guys. Yeah take a moment and read that again. It hurts so much sometimes. Just to know that the women I love. The mother of my children has slept with that many guys. Oh and I think 2 women also. This morning I was going through the dresser and found the list of guys she slept with. My mind has been in overdrive ever since. So I googled how much it bothered me and here I am. Posting to anyone who will read it. So to the guys who are having the same problem. Please know you are not alone. And if any guys have found a way to beat this mind torture please share advice. Don't be a dick and tell me to just let it go or its in the past blah blah. Trust me I got that and if it helped I wouldn't be here. Please guys. Help me out.
@LuciferalexanderI seriously feel for you. But dude, you realize you’re saying all of this after 4 years of being married right. Did you just find out? Did u not talk about past relationships early on into the relationship? I’m going through the same shit, but I’ve only been dating my girl for 8 months. It is torturous
My gf of 2 months recently told me that I was #50 and I’ve never wanted to kill myself so bad. The worst part about it is that she’s only 18, she actually turned 18 in February, so she’s barely 18 at that. This is something that I know I won’t ever get over. She told me she was going through a rough time last year, is when she said she ****ed 45 different guys. It sucks because she’s actually a great person, but I just can’t do this.
@2018or2017Young bruh. Be real to yourself if you don't want that in your woman don't accept her for your mate. Keep yourself clean and pure. Most dudes need to understand that most chicks are the aggressors and have been smutted out multiple times before you come around.
Dude it happened to me also. I am also on same situation. She was my classmate and after I completed my high school I was in relationship with her and I decided to marry her. I love her so much. A month later after my commitment she opened her past. It was so painful for her and for me it was unacceptable. She cried on that night. She told me that her ex just used her for his physical needs. But I Really wanted to know what exactly happened. She narrated me the story that night and I was filled with retroactive jealousy. This led to the genesis of doubt in me and I started snooping on her. Dude, believe me it did nothing just damaged my love for her. If you love her and you are serious for her. Then I suggest you to do one thing.Firstly: Talk to her and tell yours situation and explain it in simple words. I did this; I wrote my feelings and thoughts and read in front of her. It helped me alot and built more stronger relationship.
Secondly: Donot hurt her by your strong and harsh words use simple and clear terms. It will not make her cry.
Once you are done with your reading hold her hand and say. Dear I love you but tell me what exactly happend. I am sure she will tell you the complete TRUTH. This will definitely heal your emotions.
I love my gf and I will marry her. At times she explains me some of her past events in bits and pieces, the way she could remember. And I take it normally, I think at times about her past, my mind creates pictures of her explicit moments. But it will just hamper your love.
Just know the truth and once you are done with the truth you need to move on of her past and accept her. Donot judge her.
She argue with me, and behave weird with me, and at times says I will leave you. But in the heart of heart I know she loves me. We are in distance relationship and dude I trust her.
I am still virgin at 29, dreamed of a virgin wife and saved my virginity for her but even after that I accepted her. Donot go on number of times she had slept or number of bf’s she had. In my case, I talk in my heart that I am lucky to have a committed gal which her ex couldn’t recognise. At the age of 50 sexual desires will vanish and only love will pervade. So love her.
My gal always jokes at my virginity I enjoy her jokes bc I know her intent. She is loyal and truthful and says I always dreamed a guy like you who is so pure and committed
. Love her.. just love her.. bc love is unconditional.
In the nutshell I will say.. past is past you cannot change it. Trust, love, loayality and mutual respect these are essential elements for any successful relationship. Just hold them.
Good Luck
Once you have sex with her you will be past your virginity and you will understand what others are talking about. Once you have your way with her and experience sex and experience her enjoying sex, I wonder if it will not bother you then. I wonder if you will not then think of her with other men and be jealous.
Just read this but curious now to know how things went. Being older I realize now that you shouldn’t hold this against her. It takes a few bad apples to get the right one and there’s no telling sometimes which one that is. Sounds like she needed attention and wanted to be loved but didn’t know perhaps that these people weren’t out to love her, you are from what it seems. Hope everything worked out and you’re still together 🤷🏻♂️
She might have lied about her number, saying she's had more men than she really has to try & convince you she has more experience than she really does. It's not right but sometimes people do boast about their count to try to impress others. Young guys do this a lot but so do some young women. That could be why she slipped up when you asked for her number. If i were you, i'd ask her to tell you each of the circumstances of when/how she got with these others. If she keeps hesitating or changes her story she could be lying about how many there are. I would also ask her outright if she was just faking being experienced thinking that's what you wanted her to be. It sounds odd that you say she is loyal but she said she'd had 6 guys in very quick succession. If you really do want her and she's loyal, she's probably worthy. If she's telling you the truth, she might just have met men before you that were using her if she is young and gullible. Unless you know she's cheated on you, i wouldn't worry over it too much though.
Hey my dear friend. You already answered the question. When you know that she is loyal to you then you just need to support her to get over her past. Give her respect, care, your loyalty, show her you trust her words and will always be there for her.
She is a girl and you need to accept everyone has some needs. Don't be upset that you're not the first one, make her happy and work to be her last and only one.
Love her and show her that you love her. Be a gentlemen, an innocent child, a naughty boy, also be romantic. You'll be seeing her happy and more in Love with you in just a few days.
Hope it helped you.
Bye take care.
Be happy always.
Finally some sensible comment 💯 when you know someone is loyal to you, you just gotta accept their past and make the best out of the future. If someone was to cheat they gonna do it regardless of their past. I’ve seen too many marriages and relationships where the girl is a virgin and of course she’s seen as the marriage material but then the husband goes out to cheat because he’s not enjoying sex with her and he wants someone more experienced.
Let's not even go into if what she did was "moral" - that discussion is like discussing religion or politics, it is a rabbit hole that never ends and everyone's got an opinion. Let's look realistically at the solutions of this situation first: what are your options really? If you are dating anyone over the age of 18 in a developing to developed country nowadays, chances are she will have had at least a few sexual experiences under her belt. And if you are looking to settle down, that number will be even higher since your woman will probably be 25+. (Or higher, nowadays people dont get married until their 30s or 40s even). So what are your options, really? If you dont over this idea that women are objects that can be "ruined" you will have a very hard time finding someone.Really, your only options are 1) become a pedophile and "groom" a child virgin, brainwash her until she only wants to be with you for the rest of her life 2) being with a really unattractive woman who cannot get laid (although in my experiences a woman's attractiveness doesnt have much to do with how many partners she had...unattractive women also have needs like everyone else, and their standards are "lower") or 3) find a religious girl (Mennonite, Muslim etc) but that would mean converting to that religion yourself and probably needs to get close to her family first as its gonna be an arranged marriage
Also, just because a girl looks innocent or tells you she has never had casual sex (or whatever it may be) it does not mean that's the truth. There is absolutely NO WAY you will ever know the full truth about someone's past...think about it, a girl could've gone to Vegas for a bachelorette party or something and ****ed 3 guys in a night...you wouldn't know that, and she wouldn't tell you. Or a girl could've worked as an escort to pay off college tuition and never told anyone and otherwise looks very "normal" and you would've never linked her to being an escort. Or, maybe her and her ex made a sex tape that he uploaded to the internet after they broke up and you find out about it 10 years after ur married...I'm not trying to scare you, I'm just being realistic. How do you EVER know the full truth about someone's entire past? You cant! You should be grateful that you gf is honest and trusts you enough to even tell you about all this, because believe me, most people dont even do that. You could be with someone perfectly innocent and have no idea what happened in their past. And the more innocent they seem, the less likely they will tell you out of fear of ruining their reputation or losing you. You will honestly be miserable if you do not get over this because you have no options other than the ones I've listed above.
Lastly, your gf is only 21, think about how much worse it will be when you are looking to marry someone and the girl you'll be dating will probably be 26,27,28 etc. How much more opportunities they will have had for sexual encounters, gasp!
I have found the answer to this question and its probably not what you want to hear, but it's also not what you think.My story. In my marriage one random night my wife blurts out "I'm a ****, always will be a ****! I slept with 16 not 6!" This was a shock to me and who I thought I married. In my prior relationships I had bouts of jealousy but was able to fight it off, but this dropped the floor out from under me. This triggered my inner problem, I suffer from retroactive jealousy OCD. I watched my wife have sex with random men in my head for two weeks straight. Anyone fighting this google and you will find help, people will tell you your an asshole for judging peoples past but they have no idea what this pain is like. Due to your childhood/past you may view sex and love much differently than other people but they don't understand that. Just knowing that I was not a broken person helped so much. I was able to beat this in prior relationships but this was much worse. After much heartache, self discovery, and personal building i discovered all it was is being happy with yourself first and any relationship second.
If you fight to be happy with yourself then a partner just becomes someone to help you enjoy life day to day. A best friend but much deeper. This makes their past not matter because it's what they do for you today. If you are truly happy with YOURSELF this is what happens. If they cheat on you, who cares, good luck facing life without me. If you put in effort for the relationship but they dont, kick them to the curb, you dont need them. It sounds a little selfish but watch some self help videos, figure out what's in your head, read a book on what is bothering you. If you are in love with someone that makes you happy, but has a bad past, the key to being happy is loving yourself! Nothing your partner can apologize for, not shaming them, not more questions will ever make you feel better. It's a struggle, but many people will help you even on youtube. Learn to love who you are and you will find peace.
All this should be discussed before marriage...We as men need to understand that we are not gonna marry a virgin....She has been with other men...She has sucked other men's cocks...she has seen and played with many penises and pertty much has been a dirty little **** with others before you...what's the problem...What matters is what she does while she is with you...
Exactly ! Are you just going to sit and wait for the one to come ?
Don’t feel bad I just found out my girlfriend has been with 180, she told me only 7 guys when I met and 6 months later I found out it’s actually 180 so imagine what I fell
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